I don’t usually have writer’s block, but I’m finding I do have writer’s ADD, also known as Fear of Sitting Still and Writing. Back Porch Bliss has been in the making for two years and it’s been consistently back-burnered because, well, life. It has called to me, waiting patiently as I scurry about. I’ve jotted down my ideas and rumblings, worked on it here and there between the chaos. My husband has become familiar with me running in my towel from the bathtub to my office in a hot blur of inspiration. Or stopping mid-sentence to write something down. Inspiration is truly everywhere.
I took the whole week off to write so there were no excuses. No working allowed. Just writing. By myself. I don’t take time like this as much as I should, so I was overwhelmed by the white space in my schedule. So how did I start? Avoidance, of course. I took a bath. I put in a load of laundry. Made a cup of tea. Put on my comfy pants. Stepped outside and sat on the porch. Texted my cousin to tell her about my writer’s ADD. Oh, and I couldn’t get the song “Yellow” out of my head.
Breathe, sister. Listen to the wind chimes.
One of my favorite quotes is from Hemingway: “Write the truest sentence you know.” So I took a deep breath and did just that.
Wisdom is within.
I used to write the longest, most ridiculous list of resolutions. The only thing they all had in common was by January 10th, I was either exhausted or disappointed. A few years ago, a friend told me I should come up with a theme for the year. A theme? I was unfamiliar with this concept, so obviously I made a list with bullets and comprehensive sub-bullets on how I would efficiently and productively conquer this “theme.” It would be my newest, shiniest achievement. I was so proud— I had a mission and a plan. She kindly smiled and said, “one word.” My word that particular year was “growth.” And grow, I did.
This year, it came easier, and the word “wisdom” surfaced for me. I’m in a season of Landslide. You know— the one where children are getting older, and I’m getting older, too? The one where we’re sailing through the changing ocean tides?
When children are babies, our job is to protect them. They are tiny and precious and we can hold them close. We are to keep them fed, clean, loved and safe. Fast forward through the worries of diapering, feeding, and kindergarten…before you know it we are teaching resilience and problem solving so they can survive in the Big Scary World. In a blink, it’s gone from stuffed animals to sex ed, ya’ll. These kids ask hard questions about faith and the world around them. Questions where I don’t have good answers.
At first this obvious realization gave me a little panic— I had to quickly gather All The Wisdom and figure it all out so I could share it with my sweet ones.
Impossible.
After about six months of waffling, I was reminded life’s wisdom is in the actual living part. It’s in the lessons. And God has a way of individualizing that stuff— which makes it really hard to plan and prepare. He is tricky like that. Then I started to panic a little more because this meant pain and suffering. How could I prepare them for the unpredictability of life?
“To live will be an awfully big adventure.” -Peter Pan
Focusing on wisdom meant discernment, and delving into my own faith and life lessons. It meant being able to connect with God’s peace and direction. It meant recognizing how to help myself feel grounded. It meant reflecting on the lessons I want to share with my children, but also equipping them to navigate their own paths.
I’ve realized how my own childhood experiences have influenced my parenting. I felt loved and safe with my parents. We went to church as a family. My parents were giving of their time and talents. We had good meals and laughed around the same table my little family sits around today. We had special traditions, extended family nearby and we were able to travel. Education was a given and a gift. I am so grateful for all of this.
There have also been hard seasons in life where I floundered without direction or guidance, and much of it was painful. This is where so much grace and growth happened for me. For this I am also grateful.
What I learned this year is that wisdom comes with experience, time and reflection. Wisdom is and comes from growth. It has been closely connected to gratitude and forgiveness for me. I’m learning that all parts of life aren’t to be planned; sometimes they are to be received as it unfolds. Reflection tells me these are usually the best parts or the greatest lessons.
Wisdom happens when you open your eyes, your heart and your mind. It is the knowing gleaned from God within us and the world around us. For me, it happens in the stillness, in the small moments and places I meet God. It’s looking upward but also inward. It brings peace and providence. Wisdom is rooted in my soul and infused in my heart. The best part? Like God’s love, it is never ending and is intended to be shared.
In upcoming posts, I’ll be sharing my truths both learned and gathered in“Mama’s Wisdom.”
